


your whole life will flip

by imbreakingdown



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Condensed Timeline, During Canon, Light Angst, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-17
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-16 10:38:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13052322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imbreakingdown/pseuds/imbreakingdown
Summary: Rich has lived with his Squip for years, and it's been amazing. He hasn't worried about what to say, what to wear, who to talk to -- the agony of free will has become a thing of the past. Then things start to go wrong, and Rich wonders if it's worth it....Basically Be More Chill from Rich's perspective





	1. Chapter 1

In his dream, Rich Goranski was a freshman again. He sat alone in the cafeteria, at his usual table by the garbage cans. Across the room, Jake Dillinger and his girlfriend Chloe were chatting at the popular table. Jake glanced over, and Rich nearly fell out of his seat. _Great job,_ he thought to himself. _Now he thinks you’re even more of a loser._

_*Wake up!*_ blared a voice.

Rich sat bolt upright in bed, rubbing his forehead. “You don’t have to be so loud,” he grumbled to his Squip. 

_*You were dreaming about the past,*_ said the Squip. _*I told you, Rich, you don’t need to think about that. It’s over. You aren’t that kid anymore. You’re chill now.*_

Rich plastered a smile on his face. “Right. What time is it?”

The Squip answered almost before Rich finished the question. _*7:45.*_

Rich’s eyes widened. “I have 15 minutes? What the hell, man, I’m gonna be so late!”

_*No, you are not,*_ said the Squip. _*Get in the shower, and brush your teeth the second you step out. Then catch the bus and—*_

“Wait, catch the bus?” Rich repeated. “I can’t take the bus, I’m a junior!”

_*Don’t you trust me?*_ asked the Squip.

“Of course,” Rich said. “But —”

_*Shower!*_ commanded the Squip.

Rich sighed and got into the shower. 

\--

Five minutes later, he emerged from the bathroom, rubbing his face with a towel. He slipped past his dad’s passed-out body on the dirty sofa and grabbed his phone to text his brother. 

RICH: U home?  
GREG: at work  
GREG: wont be home til late

Rich threw the towel to the floor, slipped his phone into his jeans pocket, and headed out the door.

_*Lift up your chin more,*_ commanded the Squip as Rich walked to the bus stop. _*Take out your phone and look at it. Chuckle — someone texted you something mildly funny. Shove that scrawny kid out of your way. Get on the bus now — you have important places to be. But don’t hurry. You don’t rush for anybody. Now sit down right there, and don’t look like you think it matters. Don’t make eye contact with anyone — now look at the scrawny kid again. Glare at him like you’re planning his death. Good, good. Now back to the phone.*_

The Squip continued barking orders as Rich got off the bus and walked into the school hallway. Rich shrugged his backpack higher onto his shoulder and was approaching his math classroom when—

“Gah!” Jeremy Heere nearly knocked him over.

Rich shoved Jeremy away and repeated the words his Squip fed him: “Yo, don’t touch me, Tall-ass!”

Jeremy stepped back. “Sorry, I was just trying to—”

Rich grabbed Jeremy’s bag and pulled a pen from his pocket. “You wash this off, you’re dead,” he said, scribbling the word BOYF in big letters across the back of the bag. _What does “BOYF” mean?_ he asked his Squip, but there was no reply. Jeremy scrambled away.

A tall figure coming down the hall caught Rich’s eye. “Jakey D!” Rich headed over to Jake Dillinger. “What’s the story with Madeline?” For some reason, the name of Jake’s new girlfriend gave him a twinge of...of some feeling he couldn’t identify.

Jake grinned. “I shouldn’t say. But it’s a good thing I rock at pool.”

_*Laugh,*_ directed the Squip, so Rich did, not even wondering why. He gazed up at Jake, who was at least a foot taller than himself, and his heart skipped a beat. He started to ask his Squip what to say, but suddenly he felt a short sharp shock. He swallowed and redirected his thoughts. 

“So, dude, you see the game last night?” Rich asked.

Jake shook his head. “I was gonna watch it, but the Madeline invited me over, and, well, you know how it is.”

Rich laughed and nodded, even though he did not remotely “know how it is.” “Hey, you want to come over tonight? Play X-Box? My brother’s working late and you know my dad’ll probably be passed out all night.”

“Can’t,” said Jake. “I’ve been out of the house so much somebody tried to break in last night. Don’t get me wrong, having my parents gone rocks mostly, but sometimes it seriously blows. You can come over to my place though.”

“Yeah, sure,” said Rich. 

“Hey, is that the Heere kid signing up for the school play?” Jake pointed across the hall.

Rich followed his gaze and saw Jake was right. He cackled, and his Squip told him what to say: “Gay!” Rich yelled it so loud, everybody in the hallway heard and started to laugh. When he was younger, Rich would never have used that as an insult. But the Squip had helped him realize that it was one of the most effective ways of putting guys down.

“We’d better get going,” said Jake. “Class starts in, like, three seconds.”

Rich nodded. “See you at lunch.”


	2. Chapter 2

“...which clearly symbolizes Hamlet’s descent into madness.”

Rich made eye contact with Jenna Rolan, who was sitting across the room. She rolled her eyes like, “Can you believe Ms. Minio’s still talking?” Rich nodded and mimed shooting himself in the head.

Actually, Rich used to find Shakespeare sort of interesting, but his Squip said that was wrong, so now Rich hated it.

_Ding!_

He waited until Ms. Minio had her back turned, then pulled out his phone

JAKEY D: U hear about yhe play?  
JAKEY D: *the  
RICH: no what  
JAKEY D: Its about zombies now  
RICH: cool  
JAKEY D: I think Im gonna do it 

Rich blinked. Had he read that right?

_Why is Jake doing the play?_ he asked the Squip. _You said theater’s for gay kids and freaks._

_*Traditional plays,*_ answered the Squip. _*This has zombies.*_

_And...that makes it cool?_

_*Of course, Rich. I thought you knew that; I'm ashamed of you.*_ Rich flinched, but there was no electric shock. He let out a sigh of relief before noticing Sofia Williams giving him an odd look from behind her thick glasses. He stuck his middle finger up at her, then turned back to his phone.

_If Jake is doing the play, shouldn't I?_ The question came out hesitant and halting. It had been a while since Rich had had an independent idea. He desperately hoped the Squip would say yes. Spending time with Jake was...nice. 

The Squip considered this. _*I suppose it couldn't hurt. The closer you get to Jake, the easier it will be to usurp him as king of the school.*_

“Wait, what?” Rich accidentally asked the question out loud. The whole class turned to him.

“Mr. Goranski,” said Ms. Minio, crossing her arms, “do you have a comment?”

Rich felt his face go red, but he trusted his Squip would get him out of this. 

_*Yes.*_

“Yes, I do actually.”

Ms. Minio narrowed her eyes.

Rich recited the lines from his Squip effortlessly. He had done this enough times to know that everything depended on his seeming completely confident, no matter how much B.S. was coming out of his mouth. “I disagree with your interpretation of Ophelia’s flowers.” 

Ms. Minio’s mouth opened, but Rich didn't give her time to speak. “If they do symbolize her madness, how is she smart enough to know which flowers she should give to which person? Because if she’s able to analyze about the symbolic importance of each flower—”

“Are you really questioning—”

The bell rang, and Rich was out of the classroom before Ms. Minio could finish her thought.

Jenna Rolan glanced up from her phone as she passed Rich. “And I thought _I_ was good at wasting class time,” she grinned. Her fingers flew over her keyboard, no doubt relaying the exact events of the morning to everyone in school.

Rich sighed. He really wasn't in the mood to go to lunch. Maybe he'd fake a headache and spend the rest of the day in the nurse’s office.


	3. Chapter 3

“Thanks, Nurse Tanaka,” called Rich as he headed out of her office at 3:00. Listening to his Squip talk for 4 hours actually had given him a headache. 

“Hey, Rich!” Jake flagged him down from the end of the hallway as he jogged over.

“Hey, man,” Rich nodded nonchalantly. He still wasn't quite sure what “nonchalantly” meant, but his Squip used the term often enough for Rich to guess. “‘Sup?”

“Practice for the play thing starts, like—” He checked his phone —five minutes ago. You in?”

 _*Wait a moment,*_ ordered the Squip. _*Don't let him know you've thought about it.*_

“Uh, I dunno,” said Rich as the two boys headed down the hall. “Seems like a waste of time, doesn't it?”

Jake shrugged. “I guess. But, come on, man. It's the only club in school I'm not the captain of.”

Rich bit his lip. “Being captain of every club won't—”

 _**STOP.**_ The words of his Squip reverberated through Rich’s skull. He'd been about to tell Jake that leading every club wouldn't bring his parents back. But apparently that wasn't socially acceptable. God, Rich was lucky he had his Squip. He was nothing without it.

“Dude,” said Jake. “You good?” 

“Yeah.” Rich shook his head. “Yeah, sorry.”

“So what’s your deal with the play?”

“Oh, uh...sure,” said Rich. “Why not?”

Jake pumped his fist. “Sweet.” He stopped. They were right in front of the auditorium now. “Well, here we go.”

They strode into the theatre, getting caught in a chattering group of other kids. 

“Hey, dude.” Jake nudged. “See that chick?” He pointed to a short Asian girl in a denim jacket. 

“Yeah,” said Rich. “Christine something, right?”

Jake nodded. “Yeah. I’m gonna ask her out.”

Rich blinked. “What?”

They settled into their seats, continuing their conversations through whispers.

“I mean, look at her, man,” said Jake. “She’s so small, like...you know...something small and cute.”

 _I’m small and cute,_ thought Rich. 

_*And we’re working on that,*_ the Squip assured him. 

“Plus, she was, like, really good in the play last year,” Jake went on. “The sad one, you know, where everybody died and stuff.”

Rich’s mouth was dry, but his Squip told him not to worry about it. “W-what about Madeline?”

“Oh.” Jake waved his hand dismissively. “We broke up.”

“What? When?” _*Don't act so interested,*_ whispered the Squip. Rich untensed his shoulders and leaned back. “She not cool enough, or what?”

“Nah,” said Jake. “She's moving to Colorado.”

Rich nodded. “Oh. So this Christine chick is your rebound? I thought Madeline was your rebound. You know, from Chloe.”

Jake frowned. “Huh.” Then his happy-go-lucky grin returned. “Oh, well.” 

Mr. Reyes, the owner of the Hobby Lobby who was in the auditorium for some reason, turned to the kids and said something about a Hot Pocket (had Rich heard that right?). 

Brooke and Chloe immediately got up and left, Jenna Rolan close behind.

Christine was walking right toward them.

“Looks like now's your shot, dude,” said Rich.

Jake nodded. “Yeah. Hey, could you leave?”

Rich blinked. “Uh…what?”

“I mean, you know I love you, dude, and I dig having a wingman, but right now I feel like it's, you know, better if Christine gets to know me on, like, a personal level.”

“No, yeah,” said Rich, forcing a smile. “I get it.” He didn’t. “Text me how it goes.”

Jake grinned flashed him a thumbs-up, then went off to flirt with the theatre dork. Cursing under his breath, Rich made his way to the boys’ bathroom.

Mr. Reyes was just leaving the bathroom. His fly was down, but Rich’s Squip didn’t say anything, so Rich didn’t mention it either. “Hey, Mr. Reyes.”

“Mr. Goranski,” said Mr. Reyes as they passed each other. 

In the sink by the corner, Jeremy Heere was frantically scrubbing his backpack. Oh, right, the “BOYF FRIENDS” thing. It had been hard to track down the anti-social headphones kid and his backpack at lunch, but it was so worth it. At least, that was what the Squip said.

“I told you not to wash that off,” said Rich, swaggering over to Jeremy.

Jeremy blanched. “Oh, um...where’s my homework?”

“I’m talking to you, Tallass!” He headed over to the urinal as Jeremy protested that he wasn’t that tall.

 _*Tell him he could be tall if he wasn’t hunched over and scared,*_ ordered the Squip.

 _Seriously?_ Rich asked. _I’m literally pissing, can’t this wait?_

_*I don’t want to have to punish you, Rich—*_

“You could be,” said Rich, “if you weren’t hunched over scared all the time.” He proceeded to mock Jeremy’s masculinity, because according to his Squip, that was the best way to get high school guys to listen.

Jeremy sheepishly emerged from his stall. “How do you talk to people while you’re...you know…” He gestured to the urinal. 

Rich grinned and wiggled his ass. “Confidence.” If you can’t be confident, act confident. That’s what the Squip said.

Suddenly, a shock ran through Rich’s body. He gasped and grabbed his neck. What was happening? What had he done wrong?

 _*I have new intel on Jeremy Heere,*_ said the Squip, as he sent shock waves up and down Rich’s twitching body. _*He is not as lame as prior evidence showed. You no longer need to attack him.*_

 _*So, what, I just apologize?*_ Rich’s vision was starting to blur. _*If I do, will you stop with the electricity?*_

 _*Apologize,*_ said the Squip, _*and then tell him about Squips. He will want one, and you can pocket some of the price.*_

The shocks stopped, and Rich gasped for air. He zipped up his fly and approached Jeremy. “You don’t remember me freshman year, do you?”

“You didn’t go here freshman year.” Wow. Even Tallass hadn’t noticed him. That stung.

“Yes, I did! You just didn’t notice. Nobody did.” Rich tensed. His lisp was back, how had that happened? Almost against his will, his hand lifted and smacked him across the face. He deserved it.

He began describing to Jeremy the wonders of the Squip. He started dancing at some point, which was weird but not unpleasant. After a while, he lost control of his own words, allowing the Squip to puppet him entirely. He left Jeremy alone in the bathroom, repeating the phrase burned into the mind of every Squip user: _It’s from Japan...it’s a gray oblong pill…._


	4. Chapter 4

RICH: going to ur house right?  
JAKEY D: Nah taking Christine to the mall  
JAKEY D: Next time tho  
JAKEY D: Sorry dude  
RICH: its cool

Not cool. Not remotely cool. If he couldn’t go to Jake’s house, and Greg had the car, Rich had no choice but to go home.

“Is my dad gonna be home?” Rich mumbled to the Squip as he dragged his feet along the sidewalk.

_*Scanning....Yes. Gregory Goranski, Sr. is home and likely will not be leaving until tomorrow.*_

Rich cursed. “How do I avoid him?”

_*You don’t. Facing your genetic material, despite the negative emotions it may cause, is vital to you becoming the best version of you.*_

“Fine,” Rich muttered. “Let’s get this over with.”

He turned the corner and approached his house: a dingy one-bedroom rental with chipped paint and an unmowed lawn. He trudged up the front steps and opened the door.

“GREG!” His dad stumbled into view. His face was the color of rotten tomatoes, and his words were a drunken slur. “Greg, get over here!”

“It’s Rich, Dad,” said Rich. “Greg’s at work.”

Mr. Goranski grabbed Rich’s arm. “Is this a tattoo?”

“I—”

“What kind of fucking idiot gets a tattoo in middle school?”

“I’m a junior in high—”

“Don’t interrupt me, Greg!” Mr. Goranski stumbled forward. “You gotta learn to respect your body, or you’re gonna end up with some whore like your mother!”

Rich squirmed away from his dad. _A little help?_ he asked his Squip. No answer. “Look, Dad, I have homework, so—”

Mr. Goranski struck his son across the face. “What’d I tell you about interrupting?”

Suddenly, the Squip took over. “I bought you some beer.” Rich heard the words coming from his mouth. “A six-pack. It’s in the backyard.”

A slimy smile wormed its way onto Mr. Goranski’s face. “Beer, huh?” He slapped Rich on the back. Too hard. “I wouldn’t say the backyard’s the place for it, but good enough, boy, good enough. You’re not all bad, Greg.” Rich didn’t bother correcting him again.

Rich watched as his dad staggered out the back door. As soon as he was outside, Rich locked the door and ran up to his bedroom. He turned on his phone and quickly pressed CALL GREG. 

_Ring, ring._

“Pick up, pick up….”

_Ring, ring._

“Yo, it’s Greg Goranski. I'm not here right now, so, like, I guess leave a message or whatever.” 

_Beep._

Rich hung up and tried again. CALL GREG. 

_Ring, ring._

_Ring—_

“What do you want?”

Rich could hardly believe his luck. “Hey, Greg, it's Rich—"

"Did you fuck something up? Are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah, I mean, I was just wondering if you were coming home soon—”

“No.”

“Okay, uh, when?”

“Never, dude.”

“What?”

“You think I’m going back to that hellhole? My buddies and me saved up some cash. We’re halfway to New York already. Now, do I have to change my number, or will you leave me alone?”

Rich swallowed. “No, yeah. I won’t call again. Good luck with life and stuff.”

“Yeah. You too, man.”

_Beep._

Rich set down his phone, completely numb. Greg was gone? Sure, he had never really been around much before, but knowing that now he would never come home again….

Oh, God. How were they supposed to earn money? Rich didn’t have time to work, what with his attempts to rule high school, and his dad had never held a job for longer than three weeks.

“I’m going to die,” Rich said aloud. “I’m going to literally fucking die.”

_*No, you’re not.*_

“There you are,” Rich grumbled. “Where was the help when Greg was ditching me?”

_*I’m not here for Greg. I’m here for you. With him gone, you are your father’s only son. Now you can make him proud.*_

Rich straightened, a thought coming to him. “Did...did you send Greg away?”

_*I did what needed to be done to help you, Rich,* _said the Squip. _*Now let's get started on that homework.*___


	5. Chapter 5

The next day was a blur, as though the Squip was intentionally keeping Rich from feeling anything (given the events of last night, Rich wasn’t too upset about it if that was the case). Rich barely remembered any of the morning, honestly; he only vaguely recalled befriending Jeremy Heere in the hall. That had been weird. As Rich sat in play rehearsal, doodling on his arm, he wondered briefly what had made the Squip change his mind about Tallass. 

“Hey, dude,” said Jake. He had his arm around Christine, who was smiling warily at Rich. He abruptly remembered hitting on her briefly after _Romeo & Juliet_ last year. That had been stupid. She had made politely told him she wasn’t interested, and then proceeded to lecture him about all the nuances in the play he might have missed. Was geekiness cool now? Was that why Jake preferred the dork’s company over Rich’s?

“Hey, Jakey D!” Rich said with forced enthusiasm. He decided not to add, _Come to rub your new best friend in my face?_ Because he didn’t want another electric shock party of pain.

“I’m having a Halloween party tomorrow,” said Jake. “My place. You’re coming right?

“Of course!” Rich beamed. _*Relax,*_ said the Squip. “I mean, yeah. I think I can make it, I’ll just have to cancel a date.”

Jake raised his eyebrows. “A date? With who?”

“She doesn’t go here,” Rich said, then immediately realized how fake that sounded. There was only one high school in town, where else would — inspiration (that is, the Squip) struck. “She’s in college.”

Jake laughed. “Woah, nice!”  
Christine wrinkled her nose but said nothing.

“You sure you want to cancel that, bro?” asked Jake. “I mean, you got a college girl—”

“It’s fine,” said Rich. “I’ve got her on a string, man; she does whatever I want.”

Jake cackled, and the two high-fived. “Come on, Christine,” Jake said, “I wanna talk to you...in private.” He kissed her firmly on the lips, then pulled her away. Rich’s heart felt like it was trying to climb up his throat. 

_Why do I feel like crap?_

_*You’re not the best version of you yet. Once you are, you’ll never have a bad day ever again. Now, go home. You have a Halloween costume to make.*_

For the first time, Rich didn’t dread going home. He ran down the sidewalk and managed to sneak past his father, who was passed out on the couch. 

He threw open his closet. Maybe Greg had some old stuff he could use. He dug around for about an hour. Soon he was deep in the closet.

Finally, he emerged with his prizes: a shabby green overcoat, a pair of gloves, and his older brother’s Jason mask from last year. Now he just needed something to use as a machete and he’d be ready for tomorrow night.

“This is awesome,” he whispered to himself, barely able to suppress his smile. “I’m on fire.”

_*Yes,*_ agreed the Squip. * _Yes, you are. Now put down the Halloween costume for a moment and call Z.*_

“Z?” Z was what Rich has nicknamed his hookup at Payless, since the guy had never told Rich his name. They hadn’t spoken in years. “Why?”

_*He just got a new shipment of Squips. You are going to buy them all.*_

“How the hell —?”

_*I have procured a credit card number for you to use.*_

“But why do I need all those Squips?” Rich was afraid he already knew the answer. 

_*You can only be the best version of yourself if everyone else has already reached that same goal. That way, there is no one holding you back.*_

Rich’s hands started to tremble, and this time it wasn’t because of an electric shock. “You want me to Squip the whole school?”

_*That’s only the beginning. Think of what you could achieve. You would be a hero, Rich.*_

“But, I mean, dude, come on, how—”

_*Think of what a Squip could do for your father.*_

Rich stopped. “My dad?”

_*He could quit drinking. Get a job. Remember your name. But he can’t do that unless you’re worthy of remembering. Turn yourself into the best version of you, and he will become the best version of him. It’s simple.*_

“But—”

A shock ran through his body. Rich tripped and fell backwards onto his bed. _*I don’t want to force this on you, Rich,*_ said the Squip calmly, _*but I can and I will.*_ Rich swallowed and reached for his phone. CALL Z.


	6. Chapter 6

“Who’s ready for my Halloween party?” Jake screamed. Music blared from a speaker. Beer spilled on the ground as red Solo cups were crushed underfoot.

Rich jumped up and down to the music, shaking his hips and grinning seductively at any girl he happened to see. Jake came over and handed him a drink, which Rich accepted despite knowing full well he couldn’t have any.

“Hey, man!” said Jake, yelling over the music. “Glad you could make it.”

Jenna Rolan appeared behind them. “Guys! Spin the bottle’s in the kitchen, what are you waiting for?”

“Oh, rad.” Jake turned to Rich. “You coming?”

“‘Course.” 

They headed to the kitchen, where the game was already in full session. Dustin Thropp and some short red-haired girl were having at it on the table.

Jake and Rich sat down.

“My turn!” called Jake, more than a little drunk. He grabbed the bottle and gave it a spin.

It was pointing at Rich.

Jenna Rolan cackled and whipped out her phone to take a video. 

Jake shrugged. “Can't argue with the bottle, man.” He bent down and pressed his lips against Rich’s.

A buzzing filled Rich’s ears. His mind and his heart seemed to be competing to see which could race faster. He didn't want this to end.

Finally, Jake pulled away. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve. “Cool.”

“Me next!” cried Brooke.

“Oh, Brooke, you're here?” asked Jenna. “I thought you were upstairs. You know, with Jeremy.” She glanced at Jake. “In Jake’s parents’ room.”

Brooke and Jake stood up simultaneously. 

“He's having sex in my parents’ room?” roared Jake.

Brooke looked close to tears. “Who's he having sex with?” 

Jenna Rolan shrugged. A smile tugged at her lips. Jake and Brooke raced out of the kitchen.  
Rich stared at the table. _Why do I feel like this?_ he asked his Squip.

_*That’s not important.*_

“It's important to me!” Everyone turned to look at Rich. He was beyond caring. “Gotta go,” he said, and ran out of the kitchen. _*Rich, I though we were past this,*_ scolded the Squip. _*I know what’s best for you. Without me, you're a loser. A geek. A nothing.*_ Rich’s stomach was in knots. _*Don't you trust me?*_

Rich grabbed the side of his head “I….I —” 

Something caught his eye. A red cup, perched on the coffee table. 

He grabbed the cup and chugged its contents.

 _*Rich, don't—*_ the Squip switched into Japanese. After a short unintelligible rant, its voice quieted. 

Rich pulled out his phone: CALL Z.

Z answered before the first ring. “I already sold you the package.”

“How do I turn it off?”

“What?”

“The Squip. How do I turn it off?”

“That sort of information doesn't come free.”

“You have that credit card number; buy something. Whatever you want, I don't care. Just tell me how to turn it off.”

There was a pause. Then: “Mountain Dew Red.”

“Wasn't that discontinued, like, twenty years ago?”

“That's how to turn it off. There's nothing more I can do. All sales are final.” His voice grew fainter. “Oh, hello, sir, the running shoes are just back here —” 

The line went dead.

Rich’s hands shook. He needed to think. He needed someplace quiet. 

He hurried down the hall, trying not to look insane. 

“Don't bother,” said Jenna Rolan, who was walking away from the bathroom. “There's a girl on her period in there.”

Rich nodded. As soon as she was gone, he pounded on the door.

_Knock, knock, knock, knock._

No answer. He tried again.

_Knock, knock, knock, knock._

“Oh, hell; yeah, I’ll be out soon!” screamed someone from inside.

Rich didn't have time for soon. His Squip could return any minute. He pounded on the door:

_Bang, bang, bang, bang!_

Nothing.

He ran to the living room and grabbed Dustin Thropp. “You got any Mountain Dew Red?” Dustin shook his head. “It's like regular Mountain Dew, but red.”

“Sorry, man,” said Dustin. 

Rich saw Jeremy on the couch and headed over. Christine was talking to him.

“I know that’s not was you wanted to….” Christine stood. “I’m sorry.” She walked away.

Rich leaned over and made a sound like a bomb exploding for reasons he couldn’t quite explain. Then he locked eyes with Jeremy. “Got any Mountain Dew Red?”

Jeremy stood, clearly annoyed. Rich scowled; he just wanted to know if Tallass had Mountain Dew Red, he wasn’t in the mood for a lecture. “Okay, this whole no-drinking-while-Squipping thing?” Jeremy said. “Would it have killed you to give me a warning?”

Rich tensed. 

_*Hello, Rich,*_ said the Squip. _*Let’s review the data...oh.*_

Rich stood up straight, his eye twitching. He echoed the Squip: “Warning. Warning. Warning.” 

He ran off. 

_*Rich, did you really think you could get rid of me?*_

“Yeah,” said Rich, “and I can do it again.” He grabbed a beer from some drunk girl singing along to Whitney Houston and chugged it as he ran to the kitchen. The Squip let out a string of Japanese curse words, then disappeared.

Rich stumbled into the kitchen. No Moutain Dew Red there either. “Where the fuck can I get some Mountain Dew Red?”

The kids in the kitchen glanced at each other, then left Rich alone to do whatever the hell it was he was doing.

_*Mountain Dew Red?*_

Rich froze. How was it back already?

 _*You're trying to get rid of me?*_ The Squip _tsked_. _*Really, Rich, I thought you knew better than that.*_

“Get out of my head!” screamed Rich. 

_*Don't be stupid, Rich,*_ said the Squip. _*You need me.*_

There was no way to get rid of it, Rich realized. Not without a drink he didn't have. The only way to kill the Squip was….Oh. 

Rich turned on the oven as high as it would go. He grabbed a cup from the table and poured its contents into the flame. The fire swelled from the alcohol. Rich closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and stepped toward the fire—

But he couldn't move. His legs were rooted to the spot.

The Squip laughed. _*Very good, Rich. I knew you had it in you.*_

“W-what?” The smoke was beginning to fill Rich’s lungs. If he didn't stop it, the whole house might burn down. “You wanted this?”

 _*I can't build you up on a faulty foundation,*_ said the Squip. _*First I needed to tear you down. And then you went and did it yourself.*_

The flames were growing higher, now. They started creeping up the wall. “You're going to hurt innocent people!”

 _*Innocent people who made you feel like garbage until two years ago,*_ said the Squip. _*Why are you protecting them? They wouldn't do the same for you. They don't care about you. Only I care about you.*_

The entire kitchen was on fire now. 

“Hey, Rich?” It was Jake. He was coming in.

Rich tried to open his mouth, to warn Jake to stay away, but he couldn't speak.

The door opened. “Holy—” Jake froze. “Rich, what—?”

The world was starting to spin around Rich as the smoke filled his lungs. Maybe this was for the best. What did he have to live for anyway? 

A wooden board fell from the ceiling, narrowly missing Rich. “Rich, dude, move!” Jake screamed, but Rich didn’t even bother trying. Screeching filled Rich’s ears: the cries terrified party-goers half out of their minds from booze.

Creak. Another ceiling board was coming down. Rich glanced up — this one would hit him dead on. He braced himself — a few more seconds, and it would all be over. The voices in his head — the Squip and the ones that had been there before — they would finally be gone.

The board fell from its place. It swung through the air —

“No!” Jake dived in front of Rich, knocking him out of the way. Jake howled, his face contorted in pain.

That was the last thing Rich saw before he blacked out.


	7. Chapter 7

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

Rich opened his eyes. He was in a hospital bed.

 _*You brought this upon yourself.*_ The Squip was still there. It was quieter, less powerful, but definitely still there. It had all been for nothing.

“Hey.”

Rich looked up. Who would visit him? Everyone at school would hate him now. “Who…?”

The visitor came closer. It was Jeremy Heere’s friend, the one with the hoodie and the headphones. Michael something.

“Hi, Rich,” said Michael. “What's up?”

“Well,” said Rich, “I almost died.”

Michael nodded. “Yeah, that sucks. How's your Squip?”

 _Beep beep. Beep beep._ The heartbeat monitor increased.

“How do you know about Squips?” Rich asked nervously. 

“Jeremy’s got one,” said Michael. “That's why I’m here.” 

So he wanted something. This made more sense. “Why do I care about Jeremy?”

“He got a Squip because you told him to,” said Michael. “And now he's...different.”

“That's sort of the point,” said Rich.

“You can't honestly tell me you still think Squips are good?”

Rich sighed. Ignoring the voice that told him otherwise, he shook his head. “No. They suck.”

Michael nodded, mollified. “So how do you get rid of them?”

Rich hesitated. “Why should I tell you?”

“Because you're not an asshole?” Michael suggested.

“No, but see, I am,” said Rich. “At least as long as I have a Squip I am. I don't want touchy-felt crap about doing good. I want something real.”

Michael bit his lip. “I've got 20 bucks.”

“That works.” 

Michael pulled a $20 bill from his pocket and put it beside Rich’s bed. “Now tell me.”

Rich nodded (as best he could, given his casts). “Mountain Dew Red.”

Michael stared at him for a second. Then he grinned. “Seriously?”

“Yeah,” said Rich. “But it was discontinued—”

“In the 90’s,” finished Michael. “I know. I have a case in my basement.”

Rich’s heart skipped a beat. Was there actually hope? “Really?”

Michael nodded. “Yeah. This is great! Thanks, Rich.”

He started to go, but Rich stopped him. “Wait.”

He turned. “Yeah?”

“You're gay, right?”

Michael blinked. “I—uh—”

“I just mean—” Rich stopped. His lisp was back. He slapped himself across the face.

Michael took a small step back. “Maybe I should go—”

“That was nothing,” Rich said. “Ignore it. And, you know, I won't judge you,” Rich said. “For being gay, I mean. I was just wondering.”

Michael hesitated. Finally, he exhaled. “Yeah,” he said. “I am. But I'm not...like...out yet, so please—” 

“I won't tell anyone,” said Rich. “I can't, anyway. I doubt anyone’s gonna talk to me once I’m back at school.”

Michael pushed up his glasses. “Why did you ask?”

Now it was Rich who hesitated. “I….”

Michael lifted a palm. “Never mind.” He checked his watch. “I should go. The school play is in a few minutes.”

Rich had almost forgotten about the play. “Oh, yeah. You're in that?”

Michael coughed. “No, uh, Jeremy is.”

Rich grinned. “Oh.” _*Insult him,*_ whispered the Squip. “Go ahead, man,” said Rich, struggling to ignore every basic impulse he had. “Have fun.”

“Thanks, Rich,” said Michael. “Hope you feel better. And don't worry. Someday soon, everybody is gonna learn to love the real Richard Goranski.” With that, Michael turned and left.

His words rang through Rich’s mind. _Everybody is gonna learn to love the real Richard Goranski._ He had never thought that was possible. He started to say the phrase out loud, but his mouth wouldn't open.

 _*You disobeyed me,*_ said the Squip. _*You know that’s not in your best interest.*_

 _*Fuck you,*_ answered Rich.

An angry buzzing seemed to be all the Squip could muster.

 

An hour later, Rich’s head was still ringing, and he was considering whether he should just rip out his IV tube and be done with it. He wondered how the play was going. It’d be reaching its climax about now, with Puck and the pansy serum and all that. God, it really was a horrible play.

Suddenly, a searing pain gripped Rich’s head. He screamed, convulsing wildly. All he could see was a blinding white light. It felt like someone was ripping apart his brain and trying to suck out the remains through his nose.

The world began to spin. A nurse rushed in, looking more than a little worried. Then Rich passed out for the second time in 48 hours.


	8. Chapter 8

Rich’s eyelids fluttered open and the world began to come into focus. The fluorescent light burned his eyes. His head throbbed. 

“Hey, dude.” 

Rich groaned and, with some effort, turned his head. There, leaning against the wall with casts on both legs and a plastic Walmart bag in his hand, was Jake Dillinger. 

Rich felt his face heat up, but there was no response from the Squip. “Hey, Jake. What’s—” He stopped. His lisp was back. But...he didn’t want to hit himself. Whatever. It was probably a lapse in the Squip's newly-weakened mainframe. Rich cleared his throat and started again. “Uh...I’m sorry about your house. And your legs, apparently.”

Jake nodded. “Yeah, it’s a bummer.”

“You don’t have to do that,” said Rich.

Jake looked at him. “Do what?”

“Pretend you don’t care.” Rich was beginning to wonder if somehow his Squip was gone. It would never let him get this far into this kind of conversation. “I burned down your freaking house. You can hate me.”

Jake stared at Rich for a long time. “You’re different,” he said at last.

“Yeah,” Rich agreed. “I think I am.”

“I’m homeless now,” offered Jake. “So, uh...yeah, I guess I’m pretty pissed about that.”

Rich’s shame filled his chest with lead, but it was worth it if he could help Jake sort out whatever emotional shit he was working through. “Yeah, okay.”

“And I don’t think my parents are coming back.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“And Chloe’s nice to me but not to anybody else, and sometimes not even to me.” Jake was picking up speed now.

“Yeah, okay.”

“And I feel like nobody ever wants to get to know me, they just want to hang out with the coolest kid in school.”

“Yeah, okay.” Rich thought it best not to mention that the Squip had ordered Rich to befriend Jake for just that reason.

“And there was this weird thing at the play last night after we all took ecstasy—” (Rich decided not to ask) “—and it made me think, you know, about what’s really important, and I realized that even though you acted like a total spaz all Halloween and burned my house down and made me break my legs, I...I don’t hate you.”

“You don’t?”

Jake shook his head. “No.” He reached into his shopping bag and pulled out a teddy bear holding the a heart that read: GET WELL SOON. “It’s cheesy, but…”

“It’s awesome,” said Rich, and he meant it.

Jake leaned over to tuck the toy into Rich’s arm. He was nose-to-nose with Rich. They stared into each other’s eyes for one second...two seconds….

Rich leaned forward and kissed Jake as hard as he could. All his feelings, all the urges he had been repressing since the end of freshman year, all the tears and laughter and and rage and passion exploded in that kiss. Jake stiffened, alarmed, and Rich wondered if maybe this had been a mistake. 

Then Jake relaxed. The two began making out on Rich’s hospital bed, loving each other like there was no tomorrow, and Jake didn't pull away until Rich’s heartbeat monitor was beeping dangerously fast. 

“That was cool,” Jake said, smiling and wiping his mouth. 

“Totally,” Rich agreed.

“Well...see you at school,” said Jake.

“Yeah,” said Rich.

Jake ducked out of the room, leaving Rich with six broken bones, a stuffed toy, and, for the first time in years, a huge, genuine smile.


End file.
